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nothing to see here // random thoughts - Lograh — LiveJournal

Saturday, 06.Nov.2004

23:39 - nothing to see here // random thoughts

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saw "The Incredibles" today.. damn good movie. go see it if you haven't.

Body Shop has craberry scrub back in season.. no Snow, though. bummer, that.

I have so many thoughts floating around my head these days.. gah.. so much to say, but nowhere to say it.

10-year high school reunion went better than I expected. saw someone I've not seen in many years, and who I missed somewhat. she and I exchanged emails addys and remarks about how we both would like to converse more than once per decade. keen.
Notably absent, though was one of my better friends from h.s., and he's worse at responding to email than even myself, so I was really looking forward to it when I heard he was supposed to show up. Looser flaked, though. bummer, that.

and now I sleep, to be woken up far too early for a bike ride tomorrow. bah. but it is nice to get out and do some social riding, so I suffer the alarm.

On the one hand, being single really is quite lame, but on the other hand I know that any relationship I tried to start right now would be a terrible failure as I'm such a mess. frell. Not that I have any real-life prospects or the courage to actually persue anyone in particular, you realise, but it'd still be nice to at least have the option.
Then again, it's likely a good thing I don't have the option. The last few ladies I've met whom I would have liked to persue would most likely have not considered me -- I've learned that there are certain personality types that are relationally-incompatible with my personality. Bummer that I seem drawn to them most. Just like the proverbial moth, I am drawn to precisely that which I truly have no business being near. :)

my stupidity knows no bounds.


[User Picture]
Date:8:13 07.Nov.2004 (UTC)
According to Socionics, the "type" of person I'm supposed to be with initially thinks I'm a flake and doesn't want anything to do with me. I don't know if it's that way for all the intertype duality relationships, but it makes for an amusing read.

I'm much happier with bridgeweaver than anyone who has ever fit the profile of the type of person I'm "supposed" to be with. But then, he's not the personality type I would have ever really sought out, either. Having him drop into my lap (almost literally) is the best thing that ever happened to me.
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[User Picture]
Date:20:51 07.Nov.2004 (UTC)
I mean this with no offense, because this is not a value judgement on you: You will always be a mess. You will always have some shit going on that makes your life far more complicated that you will care for. Should you have a moment where everything is 100% perfectly in place*, it will not last long. This isn't just about you -- here's a little secret: everyone else is a mess too.

(*You may have felt like this at times, but you have t ask yourself if it was really 100% of everything, or one or a few rather profoundly "in pace" things that allowed you to momentarily overlook the ret of your life...at least, until something else presented itself as being mess-up again.)

The sooner you accept that you will never not be a mess, and the sooner you accept that nobody else, not even the "pretty girls", are able to fully escape their own messes either, the sooner you drop that as a valid criterion for evading some good in your life. Yes, messes change over time -- you're looking to get out of debt, for one -- but you cannot escape the gravity well of your Mess.

Sam and I were in completely shitstorm messes when we get together, and we're working with each other now to elevate one another out of our shitstorms and into clearer weather. But, that's with nearly 2.5 years of being with each other, and knowing each other for years before that. And we still have a lot of messes, some of them *because* we're together, that we have to deal with.
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