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ugh // today - Lograh — LiveJournal

Thursday, 13.May.2004

9:25 - ugh // today

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so, yeah, I'm tired! again, had to do without a "proper" breakfast, but rather than reward myself for that I though it'd be more encouraging if I simply had a bagel. cheaper, too.

In good news, I've been approved for 5 days off starting tomorrow, in the hopes that I might be able to spend most of those days studying for finals. Nevermind that I have plans for friday evening (SLIPKNOT!!!) and all of sunday, but that still leaves friday day and saturday (studying on saturday? say it isn't so!) and monday day to prepare for algebra.. Luckilly, it's not the one that scares me too much. Though my ring theory isn't the best, I'm thinking I can get it up to snuff in time.

it would seem that some of the math students lead very dull lives, as my appreciation for one of them has become a topic of discussion in my abscence (as was revealed to me last night). So, while she claims it doesn't bug her, there was some obvious discomfort in her words so I suppose I'll have to be better behaved. darn.
which brings me to something I've never quite understood. Why is it that some people are made uncomfortable by having someone appreciate them? I mean, sure, if I was staring intently at her drooling and making noises I could understand the problem. But just casually glancing in her direction on occasion and otherwise not doing anything shouldn't, in my mind, be any cause for concern or thought. I don't treat her differently than any other math student, I don't follow her around, nothing. Yet it makes her uncomfortable to know that she is appreciated.

What, is my skin falling off? do I have the black plague?

Ah well.. some things I will never understand (and before you say "you'd feel the same" -- it has hapened to me, and no I was not uncomfortable but instead found it quite flattering and nice).

Kinda makes me curious, though, as to what other rumours are floating around about me. If they are bored enough to circulate this one, I'm curious what their capable imaginations have thought up about my life beyond what they see. :) The only question, is who to ask (well, and how)? I can't ask this lady, as it took her about 3 beers before she had the courage to mention it to me. Perhaps Jason would be willing to fill me in? He and I go back a few years, not closely but we have some common history that might persuade him to inform me. And he's definately part of the "in" crowd, so he'd know if there were any stories to be had.

I actually enjoy being the subject of silly little rumours.. It's been like this all my life, so I've come to have an appreciation for when a real imaginative one floats by my ears.. Sure, there are allways the standard types to be expected -- and they don't bug me other than knowing that the person starting it was that unimaginative. But for some reason I don't think that'll be the case with this crowd. They are some sharp, inquisitive, and colourful peeps. If there are any little bits out there I'm certain they should be nice ones to hear.

I could hope to someday be part of a group where any stories get circulated with the full knowledge of the subjects, but I know that's just a pipe-dream.

Comments:

[User Picture]
From:jimbo_the_gecko
Date:10:19 13.May.2004 (UTC)
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Good rumors are fun, but bad rumors usually frustrate me. I find myself wondering where such absurd ideas came from. Then I feel like I must have wrongs the perpetrator in some way and I ususally wish to make amends (or knock 'em upside the head with a stick).

I don't like being openly admired. Mostly I just hate being the center of attention. Strangely enough, I have no shame (I have couth, but that is different). Maybe it's stemmed from some childhood trauma or something, but I cannot stand to be the center of attention in a crowd, and direct, open admiration sort of falls into that category.

On the other hand, knowing that somebody appreciates or admires me is an entirely pleasing thought, so long as it's kept quiet.

I deal better when these thoughts come from friends than I do when they are from strangers. In any case, I am still flattered, uncomfortable or not.
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[User Picture]
From:lograh
Date:10:36 13.May.2004 (UTC)
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yeah, I can see the not wanting to be the center of attention playing into the situation. Problem is, she's pretty outgoing and was rather active in the party last night, so I think it's a safe assumption that she doesn't mind attention all that much. she may not crave it, I'll grant, but she certainly doesn't shy from it.
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[User Picture]
From:macklinr
Date:10:40 13.May.2004 (UTC)
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On the other hand, she may only enjoy attention on her own terms. Actively being outgoing at a party = her terms. Someone else's admiration = not her terms.

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[User Picture]
From:jimbo_the_gecko
Date:11:03 13.May.2004 (UTC)
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Get me drinking, and I'll be the life of the party.
Just ogle at me, and I'll go away and avoid you for awhile.

Maybe that's why she was so outgoing at the party?

In addition, when I am face-to-face with ONE person, I am surprisingly social and outgoing. I really like personal interaction. I don't do well when that interaction is focused on me by an uncontrollable source.

Maybe you should stop watching her, and just ask the girl out?
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[User Picture]
From:macklinr
Date:10:29 13.May.2004 (UTC)
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As I've said before, you have an odd way of looking at things. To compare, here's ridiculous example:

I've very thirsty. I forgot to drink a glass of water before I left for work. However, I don't want to reward this behavior by drinking a tall glass of cool, crisp water. So I will instead have a sample-size cup of warm water.

If your breakfast is important enough to make a fuss over, then it's important enough to get it right. I do see the point about it being cheaper, though.

I haven't had the time lately to go to the store and get my instant lunches, so I've been "rewarding" myself by eating out. Of course, such a "reward" involves me leaving the air-conditioned office, walking to some nearby restaurant, waiting my time in line, walking back, and using whatever time remains to eat - and I tend to like short lunches so that I can leave early.
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[User Picture]
From:lograh
Date:10:34 13.May.2004 (UTC)
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not much of a reward for your lunches there.. Though I can see how the water example (ridiculous though it may be) does apply.

Yes, I do have an odd way of looking at things. just one of the benifits of being me, I guess. :)
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[User Picture]
From:macklinr
Date:10:37 13.May.2004 (UTC)
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Benefit, yes.
Disadvantage, also yes.
Just like with me, and most other odd, smart people.
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[User Picture]
From:jimbo_the_gecko
Date:11:05 13.May.2004 (UTC)
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According to General Atomics Ethical Workplace Guidelines, "looking" and therefore possibly making uncomfortable, is a terminatable offense.

Sad. Very sad.

Good thing I don't work there anymore. In the construction industry, *NOT* looking is generally considered a terminatable offense!
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[User Picture]
From:lograh
Date:17:41 13.May.2004 (UTC)
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oh yes, I have toned it down considerably.

For the record, it was never her ass I was looking at. Mostly her hair or her face.
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