still up. crying.
I saw her tonight. just a glimpse, thankfully. Only enough to see her hair (looked like she'd gotten the streaks recently re-done again, or it could have been the lighting), her face, not much more. She's still just as pretty as ever.
and it still hurts just as much as ever, to think about what we had. what it would have become, and why it wouldn't, didn't, work.
and here I am typing this up. crikies, how pathetic can I get?
edited, mentally and physically, deleted and re-typed.. perhaps these thoughts can stop plaguing me and let me get some sleep now?
She was such a good friend.. that's a big part of what hurts the most. I didn't want to hurt her, but I know I did.. and I know that she's just stubborn enough to hold on to what she said to me last. I still remember.. she told me that we can't be friends, we can't talk ever again. I know she meant it.. and I know it's true.. and it hurts to think about, beause she was such a good friend.. (pardon my typos, I'm not actually looking at the screen right now)..
She would tell me to shut up when 'i was talking out of my ass.. she would whip me in line when I started wandering off on tangents.. Se was willling to check me, to tell me to pull my head out of my ass. .
I'll miss that.
(praise $deity for home keys and touch typing)
I could talk to her, and she was one of the few people that I could do that with.. but hten, I guess that would be expected for about... er.. a long time together.. I know, it's not that long when you look at the grand scheme tfo theings..
sorry about that last one, I thought it felt a little off on the keystrokes..
but, for as short as it was, it was meaningful, and it left a hole..
for what it's worth, I'm sorry.
I made a mistake. depending on who you ask, the mistake would be placed at different times. Honestly, you'll get a few mistakes out of my actions.. but yeah, all that aside... We disagree on what the mistake was, but it was mine. I knew that then, and I know it now.
I'll stop now. g'night everyone.