October 31st, 2005

sp by streetlamp

a very rough draft // dating life

edit: this post got some strong reactions. if you're going to read it please read the comments as well, as a good deal of it is discussed and my intentions made clearer. This was the first draft and it was not put together well at all.

So, not that I'm actually looking for anyone yet, but I thought I'd sit down and throw together a quick little personals ad that I'd post, were I to post one to somewhere like craigslist or somesuch. Clearly this won't work for a newspaper, but the online places give you a little more than 10 words to work with. :)

This is a first-draft, very rough, and is being put here mostly as a place to put it, but also for those of you who have spoken with me on this topic a few times.

Reasons to not date me:
I'm not Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, Pagan, or any other recognized religion. So if you don't want to date someone unless they share your religion, you won't want to date me. I do have a religion, I'm rather solid in my beliefs, and I won't be converted. I come close to a form of Buddhism, but don't walk entirely along that path.
I don't have a bed. By this I mean not that I have a mattress on the floor -- I don't even have the mattress. I have a mattress topper that provides about an inch of soft between me and the floor, that's it. This is by choice, as sleeping on a mattress (even a futon) will cause me to wake with serious pain.
If you don't want to date someone who doesn't have a car, don't bother contacting me.
I'm not tall, and am somewhat overweight. 5'9", 185-190lbs, I figure about 10-15 pounds of that
is me being a lazy bum who doesn't exercise enough, it's in the form of a notable belly.
I'm not rich. I have lingering credit card debt that I'm working on paying off, but it's slow-going and most of my extra pay each month goes to those bills. As a result I live paycheque to paycheque and don't have much left over.
I like being alone. My ideal type of relationship is one where you have your life, your friends, and you take care of your own issues, I'll do the same, and we get together about once a week for a few hours (mind you, this is well into the relationship and would be considered a lot of contact by my standards). Don't call or email me daily, I don't want to hear the minutiae of your daily life and I don't care if you're thinking of me or not. One of my friends came up with a phrase that perfectly describes my relationship style: "I love you, now go away."
I suspect I'm not entirely monogamous. My policy is that if one person in a relationship wants to pursue someone outside the relationship, s/he is free to do so provided the other person(s) in the relationship are fully aware of the pursuing and give their express permission to pursue that specific individual. Further, any sexual relationship requires the utmost of honesty and openness about any actions that could have an effect on the other members of the relationship. Translated: I'll get your permission first before chasing anyone else and expect you to do the same, and safety is of paramount importance. That said, I don't consider recreational flirting to be pursuing, nor do I consider it in any way a violation of any monogamous status of the relationship. Recreational flirting is play, and just something I do from time to time with the right people. Either way, if you want someone who is strictly yours 100%, I'm not your guy. This is not to say I'm a "Playa" or anything of the sort, I just know that in my previous relationships (which were 100% monogamous) I've gotten some grief from my partner regarding my behaviour.
I am very opinionated and love to discuss controversial topics. I don't care if you agree with me or not, but be ready to support your claims and back up your position. Don't say "I disagree" then refuse to elaborate on how or why. Don't feel that I'm attacking you personally when I'm simply testing your claims and questioning aspects of your stance. Don't be afraid to state your opinion, and be ready to discuss/debate it when you do. Sometimes we will come to agree on something, most the time we won't. Either way is fine by me and reflects a healthy relationship as long as we respect the other's opinions as being equally as valid as our own.
I do use words with more than four syllables, and I will take the time to spell out "you" in the written word. I expect the same in my partner.
I don't celebrate christmas, or almost any other religious day. Not being of those religions I don't see the point in celebrating their important dates. I also don't celebrate birthdays, as there's nothing particularly monumental in managing to survive 365 more days. I have been known to make an exception for my partner's sake, but I didn't like it and would rather not have to.
I get particularly moody 'round November and December. If you want someone who's extra-happy that time of year I'm not your man.

Reasons to date me:
I've been told I'm actually not entirely unattractive.
I consider the ideal date to be an evening of conversation over some food, drinks, walking, and sitting. Though I suppose this could just as easily be a reason not to date me for some people. :)
I can take care of my own problems.
I've been told I'm quite thoughtful and caring.
I will treat you with total equality. I'll still open the door, pull out the chair, and otherwise be somewhat old-fashioned for you (most the time), but you will be treated as an equal to me in every way. I won't assume you are incapable of anything, and I won't think of you in any way my (or anyone's) inferior. Judging from the way some gals talk, I'm thinking this is largely considered a reason not to date me (too many girls want nothing more than to be pampered and coddled), but I feel it's a positive thing so it's sticking here.

I'm extremely picky in my ladies. Admittedly, perhaps a bit too picky. That said, here's what I would consider ideal (keep in mind, this is *ideal*, not what I'm expecting):
Shorter than me (5'1" would be keen)
about 10 pounds overweight for your frame (I don't like too thick or too skinny)
dark brown hair, the darker the better. Black is great. Natural colour is muchly preferred.
I like breasts, though like the rest of the body not too much or too little (around a C cup is best).
Long, straight hair (at least shoulder length). Short is okay on some people, but it's a rare person when I like it that way. Curly just doesn't do anything for me (extra-curly is a turn-off).
Healthy-Light complexion, but not pale.
close to zero makeup
simple, functional clothing. A dress can be nice, in the right situations, and I'm always a fan of a cute little skirt, but the outfit that I find most appealing and arousing on the female form is a sweatshirt with sweatpants. Simple and comfy, that's what I like.
I want to be able to have a conversation without having to explain most the words I use, and I refuse to 'dumb down' my speech for those I associate with.
Intelligence is important, a willingness/ability to learn is even better.
Self-reliance. We all need help sometimes, but when it becomes a habit is when there's a problem.