March 12th, 2004


hrmmm.. // quick update

3661 songs in der 'pod. 'bout 1/3 done with the CD's.. Hey, today's the 12th! 40 more downloads available, yay! I hate this damn quota system they're using now, but I never really expected the old way to remain forever -- ya just can't make money offering music like that.

one drawback with using real caramel (how do you say that word anyway? I use Care-A-Mel (sometimes Car-A-Mel), some people I've heard do Car-Mole... ) with espresso drinks is when it's an iced drink. The baristas never seem to let the espresso sit with the caramel long enough to fully melt/dissolve it so when they dump in the soy (yes, I drink soy, bite me) and then the ice, it ends up as a thick lump at the bottom of the drink.

Yay, next monday is my eye appointment!! time for new glasses!! WITH NOSE-GUARD THINGIES!!!!!!!!!!! My poor nose sure will thank me. *gasp* and the new ones won't be all scratched up, either! YIPPIEE!!!!!

Hrmmm.. I'm slightly worried by my finances. I've been spending a bit more recently than I'm used to, and there have been some issues with lost cheques and credit card payment deadlines and such, but the past week-ish I've been fairly good about not spending anything, so as to let the dust settle and all. So, I go to my online banking today to survey the damage, checking off which cheques have cleared, making sure all the proper charges have been made, etc,etc,etc..., and when I look at the total I'm a little disturbed by what I see. So I check again, thinking back through recent events, making sure each item's on there, checking for accidentally duplicated entries, stuff like that.. Nope, it all seems right. Somehow my internal budget was off.. Hate it when that happens. Well, I hate it when that happens by a lot. See, my internal budget is *allways* off, on purpose. Whenever I check my account, I round down to the nearest conveniant number (usually multiples of 25). That way I can feel a little safer about some minor transaction slipping through ('cause, y'know, a $25 overdraft fee for a $6 shopping trip would really kinda suck) -- plus, my memory is shite and it's way easier for me to remember $500 than $513.76 (I'm not all that good with numbers and the less I have to remember the better). So ja, I'm used to my internal budget being off by a minor ammount, but it turns out this time I was off by a rather severe ammount. Oh well, I'll live.

This is probably due to a lack of centeredness I've been feeling lately. Like I've lost some connection with myself. I'm adrift in a section of life's river that I'm not terribly comfortable with. I can see me, and I can sorta touch me, but it doesn't feel quite like I am me. My timing's been off also, I'm either late or I'm early, but I never seem to be there when I'm there. Hopefully I'll manage to get back in sync soon, as my grades can't suffer much more of this.

I had a test yesterday in Analysis. Not good. I forgot some really basic stuff that I actually remembered studying, but I just couldn't remember *what* I had studied. The same happened last week in Algebra. Fortunately, there will be one more test before the final in each class, so I have a chance to make a decent average of the whole thing. My Algebra teacher expressed some displeasure with me over my poor performance on the first test, but he reassured me there will be another test and I shouldn't worry yet. He's the same teacher I took an independant study topology class from back in my undergrad years and he's also the reason I skipped a year of Algebra back then. I only wish I had the same confidence in myself that he has in me. My Analysis teacher is being amazingly helpful. She has set aside an hour every week for me to meet her in her office -- I think I've mentioned this before. She also set aside another hour Wednesday (the day before the test) for any last-minute help. She's just so nice and she honestly wants everyone to do well in her class. I feel so lame for letting her down like this, but it's just like no matter what I try this stuff isn't sticking in my head.

Ah well. I've got some ideas to try. Perhaps I'll toss some sticks around tonight, see what they think, it's been a while since I've spoken with them and they usually help give me a different perspective.