October 14th, 2003


nobody wuvs me anymore . . . well, almost. :)


2 people claim to have a crush on me. One secret and one public. Out of about 39 people that list me as a friend that's just shy of 5%. What I really like, though is that an equal number of people admit to once being drunk enough to actually think I was kinda cool, but they've sobered up now. :) hehe..

While I do kinda like having aggregate numbers being revealed, I'm not going to go through the effort to find out who that secret crush person is. If s/he wants to tell me, s/he can do so him/her-self. I kinda like it being a secret, though. I like knowing *someone* has a secret crush on me, and I almost don't want to find out. Like when you get a present. It's all wrapped up and what's inside is full of possibilities, the moment of joy knowing someone liked you enough to get you something, untarnished with any knowledge of what it might be or who it's from. It's the pure joy of just knowing you're cared about. Once you look at the card, or open it up, now you know who it's from and what it is, and that joy gets loaded down will all sorts of factual specifics and personal history and other weights that it didn't need. The joy is still there, yes, but it's more difficult to find in the quagmire of thoughts that are now attached to it.

Then again, it could be that this is just another time where I'm alone in my thinking and y'all think I'm weird. That's fine with me too.

(no subject)

you don't like it yo so don't buy it
like you need to be told
my whole sound sucks the stereo
like you care if it does
you want your money back? yo - listen up
no fucking refunds